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The Best Laid Plans


Mrs P

Far away, on a distant space ship, a plot was hatching…

I'm a Beautiful Alien Lady,
With a Beautiful Alien Dream.
I'd like to defeat
The Pride of the Fleet,
And capture the Enterprise team

I escaped from my planet's destruction.
I might be the Last of my Kind.
My planet was raided,
The Klingons invaded,
And carelessly left me behind.

I'm alone in my dull little space ship.
I'd like some revenge for my fate.
The Klingons have gone,
I'm not taking them on,
So Starfleet can witness my hate.

I've made all the right preparations,
I've studied the Captain and crew.
I've accessed a file
On their exploits and style,
And I've planned what I'm going to do

I'll send an Emergency Beacon.
"Please help me! It's urgent!" I'll say.
In case it's ignored,
I've a second on board,
"Dilithium crystals this way!"

They're bound to discover my signal
And hurry to render first aid.
They'll locate the source,
And alter their course,
Straight into the trap I have laid.

When that Starship appears on my view screen,
I will know that my plan is succeeding.
I hope they will beam
Down a small rescue team,
Which Captain James Kirk will be leading.

I am ready to deal with the Captain.
It took ages to get it just right.
My plan is quite cunning,
I hope to look stunning,
And gain his true love at first sight.

My hairstyle is quite overwhelming
And platinum blonde to the root.
My smile is appealing,
My outfit revealing,
I aim to look brainless, but cute.

I will wait till the party has landed,
And rush to his side in distress.
He'll forget Starfleet duty,
Amazed at my beauty,
Amazed at my state of undress.

James Kirk will be blinded by passion,
His normal defences will slip.
He'll be so enchanted,
He'll take it for granted ,
I offer no threat to his ship.

I'll pretend to hand over my weapons,
Then fire at the crewmen instead.
It's usual I'm told,
To ignore blue and gold,
And to aim at the ones wearing red.

With the Vulcan and Doctor as hostage,
And the redshirts unconscious or dead,
The helpless James Kirk
Will assist in my work
As I fire at his ship overhead.

I'll disable her warp drive and weapons,
Completely surprise Mr Scott.
They'll be caught unawares,
And be thrown from their chairs,
As the Enterprise tilts quite a lot.

I'll disable her shields and computers.
"I'm frightened!" Uhura will cry.
When I've got their attention,
I'll casually mention,
"Surrender your Starship or die!"

I'll take over the Enterprise Starship.
With Kirk as my captive first mate.
The ship will be ours,
We will head for the stars,
Exploring at warp factor eight!

Much later…

I'm a Beautiful Alien Lady,
In a Beautiful Alien Jail.
In case you all wondered,
I hopelessly blundered,
I never imagined I'd fail.

It all went so nicely to start with.
They swallowed my story completely.
They altered their course,
And raced to the source,
And entered my trap very neatly.

They appeared on my view screen in orbit.
I prepared for the party to land.
I was ready and waiting,
Looked quite devastating,
And rushed to the Captain as planned.

I convinced Kirk I needed protection,
Then knocked out his crewmen in red.
His friends were both captured,
He seemed quite enraptured,
My triumph went straight to my head.

It was then that my plot went to pieces.
My action was rash and unwise.
It did not take long,
For my plan to go wrong,
When I looked at his deep hazel eyes.

My heart pounded wildly with passion.
Impossible thoughts filled my head.
I'd never expected,
To be thus affected,
The Captain seduced me instead.

My lifelong beliefs were discarded.
I abandoned the rules I'd lived by.
He taught me of love,
Then pointed above,
At the flickering lights in the sky.

I confessed why I'd tried to deceive him,
To capture his starship and friends.
His manner grew colder,
I cried on his shoulder,
And offered to make full amends.

I offered to stay as his mistress.
I offered great pleasure and love.
He thanked me, but said he
Had got one already,
That silver hulled starship above

He rescued the Vulcan and Doctor;
Who tended the injured in red,
And saw to their needs
With some rattles and beads.
Then put me in prison instead.

So - I'm stuck in this brig on that Starship.
I'm hoping they'll offer me bail.
I'm not too downhearted,
Can't wait to get started,
On another idea which can't fail.

Much later…

I'm a Beautiful Alien Lady.
I don't need a Beautiful Dream.
I don't need to defeat
The Pride of the Fleet,
I'm part of the Enterprise team

I offered my talents to Starfleet.
I'm really enjoying the work.
A pleasant location,
The perfect vocation,
As yeoman to Captain James Kirk.


Copyright Mrs P